The inspiration for this blog. (Kind of). Red velvet cupcake.
A little share from my day.
This morning as I sat in my corner and finished up a little journaling, I had the nudge to go to a bin full of old journals, randomly pull one out, open it to any page and start reading. So, I did just that. The one I picked up seems to be from early 2016. As I read 10-15 pages I thought two things. The first was wow, some things never change. The second was, there seems to be nothing overly interesting or worthy of sharing in this journal. Knowing that I get nudges for a reason, I decided to just put it off to the side and move on with my day, realizing I would figure out why I pulled it out at some point.
Well, this afternoon after walking Luna in the woods with my husband we came back and the internal argument in my mind began. It sounded something like this: those red velvet cupcakes Steve made last night look REALLY good. I should just have one. What's one cupcake? Then the voice of my body came in with the rebuttal. You know you already feel off. Your gut and your joints are inflamed and you know it. Why would you eat that? Take care of your body. Nourish it.
This conversation went on for quite some time. Then I had the aha moment. This is exactly what I was writing about in my journal entry from early May of 2016. Here are a couple of excerpts from my journal.
"Today, my body is speaking to me. rest she says. Be good to me. I am tired and weary. My gut is inflamed and needs nourishing, healthy food."
"I heard my body loud and clear. No more sugar. No more gluten. Nourish me."
I am sure if I go back years before 2016 I can find the same conversations over and over again. And yes, I am still having them on the regular. As someone who has managed Crohns disease and inflammation in my body my whole adult life, I know what my food triggers are. I am very clear about how to manage things. But, I am also human. I LOVE food, food of all kinds including gluten and sugar. And so, I go in cycles of being really conscious and mindful about what I am eating and periods of throwing my hands up in the air and just eating whatever I want.
I share all of this because I am sure there are many folks out there who have parallel issues and experiences who get stuck in the same shame cycle as I do. Thoughts such as, why can't you just do what you know is right for your body? Why don't you have any self control? What is wrong with you? This part of things has gotten better for me, or at least it seems better to me, when I am actively working to stay connected to my inner knowing and higher power. For some reason connecting with these things allows me to be more compassionate with myself, to treat myself more like I would a friend. If I am honest that, too, is something I am cyclical with .
In realizing that I am cyclical, like the moon.
I am able to allow myself to ebb and flow with things in my life without blaming and making a big deal of it. Yes, I will still have the thought that I wish I could just be more consistent and dedicated to things. But that is just not me and that is okay. Things in nature ebb and flow. The water. The moon. The seasons. Allowing myself to connect with nature and live my life closer to those rhythms has changed my life for the better. In so many ways life is set up to disconnect us from nature and our bodies. It is a practice to stay connected. Ritual and ceremony have become integral and necessary parts of my life. And yes, I ebb and flow with that too!
Clearly I ebb and flow with blogging as well. It seems the last time I posted on my blog was in November of 2019.
Anyway, I hope this reaches someone who needed to hear this today. If it resonates please do leave a comment or send me an email. I love having conversations about life with others.
Take care of you.