I’m not really sure where to start. I have felt called to share this for days and have been at a loss for words. Those of you who know me well, know that this is a rare occasion. I am never at a loss for words! I am honestly not sure if it has been a loss of words or lack of energy to actually sit down and write. Either way, it’s time.
I would like to start by saying I am incredibly grateful for my SO many things in my life. I am not one to whine or complain, well not much anyway. I have always prided myself on being strong and self-sufficient. Sometimes, to a fault. I share this story not so much for me, but for all of those out there who have a deep connection with their intuition, who hear it loud and clear. Yet, for any number of reasons choose not to listen or allow others to convince them that their knowing is wrong.
This week I found out I have Lyme disease. It wasn’t easy getting to a diagnosis. I am not really sure if it is new or not. I believe it isn’t. I had a tick bite 5-6 years ago, bulls eye and all. I went to my PCP that week. About a week later they tested me for Lyme and it was negative. Of course, it never shows up that quickly. In the years following I went to the doctor’s a handful of times complaining about extreme fatigue, joint pain and a general feeling of malaise. (along with other weird and random symptoms) Each time some blood work was run, not a Lyme test because I was told I already had a negative test, and it was always normal. I was then told I was fine and it was likely related to my Crohn’s disease and I could go see my GI if I wanted to.
What really gets me is that I knew I wasn’t okay. I had a deep knowing that something was wrong, but I never pushed. I didn’t want to appear whiny or too much. It was easier to blindly trust the doctor than to really listen to my intuition and speak up. Many times I have felt like I must be crazy. That I must have a low tolerance for discomfort. I basically accepted that tired and achy was my baseline. I should say that before the tick bite I had some of these same symptoms and I was always able to attribute them to my Crohn’s. But I have known this is different.
Well, as the universe will do when we don’t listen, it turned up the volume. In addition to the fatigue and body aches I recently started having lots of neurological symptoms and exhaustion like nothing I have ever experienced. I honestly thought I might be becoming depressed or something else. I just had zero energy for anything.
This time I chose a different path. I sought out a naturopath that I knew would help me dig. She believed me that I felt horrible and vowed to help me find the answer. She started with all the regular blood work and the Lyme test (she suspected it from the start) that insurance will cover, which by the way comes back negative in the majority of people. It’s basically useless. The blood work came back showing I was anemic which could help explain some of the fatigue, but not all my symptoms. I decided to pay out of pocket to have a more comprehensive Lyme test done. Before the results were even back I began a 28-day course of Doxycycline because my provider was convinced it was that. Then the positive result came back the other day.
I have to say that I was relieved to have a diagnosis even though it is a scary one. I now know I am not crazy. I know that my intuition was on. I am reading up and studying about Lyme and the different ways to treat it. I am going into this eyes wide open and ready to rid my body of it.
Really all of this is to say, please, please, please listen to your intuition. Not only listen, follow through. Don’t ignore it. Find someone who will listen and support you. You KNOW. I KNEW. I had to listen and find my voice. I had to refuse to take no for an answer. You are the only one that lives in your body. You understand better than anyone what is going on. Believe in the knowing.
I write this as much for me as I do for you. Thank you for sharing in my story, in my journey. I am incredibly blessed to have so many people that love and support me. I am already building an amazing care team to help me get rid of this. Doctors, acupuncturists, energy healers, herbalists.
I went back and forth with whether to share this or not. I REALLY don’t want sympathy. I will, however, fully receive any love, light or healing you want to send my way. What I would really LOVE is for you to take some time out to tune in and listen to your own intuition. Connect with your KNOWING and act on it! Then you won’t end up like me with your intuition saying, I told you so.
PS. Many of you know that I worked in the medical field most of my adult life. I am in no way dissing the whole profession. I will say that I was blessed to work for a doctor who would never stop until he had an answer for his patients. Unfortunately, medicine has changed in such a way that docs can't spend enough time with their patients. They are forced to see too many patients a day in order to stay in practice. Insurance companies basically dictate the care we receive. Okay, now i will get off my soapbox.