As a mom who has always worked outside the home and had my son’s in daycare, I have been prone to guilt. I have wondered if they would wonder if I loved them fully. I have wondered if they would think my job was more important than them. I have pondered whether I will mourn the time I missed spending with them while I was at work, once then are grown and out of the house. It is ironic that I would have these concerns given that my parents both worked full time and my sister and I were cared for most days by our nanny, Patsy. It is funny that I still balk at using the word nanny. I used to think it didn’t sound right because nannies are something associated with wealthy families. I am now realizing that it doesn’t sound right to me because it does not reflect the relationship I had with her. It is too impersonal. From the time I was born Patsy was part of my family. She would arrive before or soon after I woke up and leave when my parents got home at dinnertime. She brought my sister and I to school and picked us up each day. Many times people would mistakenly think she was our mother. I know that as I got older I began to realize that my mom (or at least I perceived she did) had some guilt or regrets about the fact that I have always felt like I have a second mom. I, however, feel so blessed to have had so much love. I had three people to take care of me and guide me. It has been interesting as a parent to now deal with this myself. My kid’s situation is clearly different, they have had many caregivers, whereas I had only Patsy from when I was baby until high school, but I have had some of the same feelings.
As someone who now sees the value in caring for myself and doing what lights me up, I honor so much my mom’s dedication to her career and her own life. I never want her to feel guilt for working as much as she did. It taught me such a valuable lesson. It also gave me the opportunity to have another, amazing, loving person in my life. How lucky am I? As my whole family sat down to have dinner with Patsy a few weeks ago to celebrate her 74th birthday all I could think about was how grateful I am for my journey and all those that have been a part of it. I thought to myself, I need to write a letter to all those mom’s who sometimes lay awake at night wondering if they are doing the right thing by their children. Here is what I want to say: If you are honoring your heart and doing what you are passionate about doing, your kids will feel that. If you are working at a job that is not really your passion, but are doing it to take care of your kids, they will learn the value of hard working and doing for others. They will know they need to be in daycare or with a sitter and they will be okay with it. While they may not always enjoy it in the moment, they will grow to respect your work ethic and learn that it is important to pursue their own dreams. Our children learn how to be in the world from us. You are an amazing mom even if you can’t be around all the time. What is most important is that you are putting yourself first which will only increase the amount of love you have to give to your kids and you family. No matter if your desire is to stay at home, which is something I SO admire, or work outside the home, if you are following your heart and doing what you love, your kids will feel that. Your kids will learn from you how to follow their intuition and desires. What a gift to give to them and the world!
If this speaks to you and you would like to join the conversation about putting yourself first and creating a deeper relationship with yourself, please join me for a free, no sales pitch, webinar on Tuesday 12/2 at 8pm EST. Simply click this link to register: http://webinarjam.net/webinar/go/13440/d0c9c3c22e
Much love - Angie